"Life makes ugly faces at us sometimes." - Edith Wharton (The Buccaneers)

Nowadays it seems Life is making ugly faces at us 24/7. LOL.

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June 4, 2023
Takimag

WITH FIENDS LIKE THESE
There’s an old joke about a passerby who sees a Jewish man walking what appears to be a dachshund. The passerby approaches and says, “Can I pet your dog?”

“Oy,” the Jew replies, “I vouldn’t do that if I vas you!”

“C’mon,” says the man, “I’m great with dogs!”

“I’m tellin’ ya,” the Jew cautions, “don’t do it!”

Undeterred, the man reaches for the dog…and promptly gets his hand bitten off. Shaking his head, the Jew says, “I was tryin’ to tell ya…it ain’t no dog! It’s an alligator with a nose job.”

Which brings us to Laura Loomer, unhinged Hebraic Trump-troll extraordinaire. Loomer is infamous for having used her gullible supporters’ contributions to get her honker resized. Now, nobody’s saying her old nose was huge, but on a trip to Israel she was floating on her back in the Dead Sea and the lifeguards yelled, “Shark!” On that same trip, she was shuckling at the Wailing Wall and drilled a hole in it like Woody Woodpecker.

And now Loomer’s on a one-yenta crusade to be the most repellent Trumper on earth. Last week she accused Ron DeSantis’ wife of having faked her cancer diagnosis. Pretty foul, huh? Well, it gets worse. Loomer then brought good friend Maurice Symonette to an anti-DeSantis rally. Career criminal Symonette’s a former member of a black supremacy cult that murdered a dozen whites. And now he’s Trump’s No. 1 black booster, which makes sense because why not start lobbying for that pardon before the man’s elected?

Together, Loomer and Symonette constitute the heinous mundi of Trumpworld, with Loomer proving that her old nose wasn’t the ugliest thing about her.

MERMAID IN CHINA
Retail woke took another hit last week, as Target lost $10 billion in market valuation due to boycotts regarding the store’s trans-wear children’s clothing. CEO Brian Cornell attempted damage control by reassuring parents that Target’s “tuck-friendly” children’s pants, which allow boys to conceal their penis while awaiting amputation, were actually designed in honor of George Floyd. “The pants aren’t supposed to conceal penises,” Cornell explained, “but shoplifted merchandise! It’s part of our new ‘Slacks for Blacks’ line! Happy Floyd fentanyversary!”

Meanwhile, Disney had its own rude awokening, as its Floydified Little Mermaid suffered the worst Chinese opening for a Disney film ever. China rewarded Disney’s blackened catfish with an opening-day gross of just $550,000.

No, there’s no missing zero there.

CONTINUE READING: https://www.takimag.com/article/the-week-that-perished-244/