Hi everybody and welcome aboard Omnicron Airlines for our short hop over to Cleveland today on our A321 Airbus. This is your first officer John Smith up front and I’ll be handling the announcements today because our captain, Jose Jimenez, does not speak English. In fact, I’ll also be handling our coms with the towers and air traffic control because none of them speak Spanish…not a problem.

Anyway, Jose is just out of flight school and has gone right up to captain as part of Omnicron’s diversity, equity, and inclusion program, and today is his first real flight after failing in the simulator, so be sure to fasten those seat belts nice and tight!

The company says that there is nothing like in-flight experience to make a great captain, so we’ll all find out today.

Why don’t you say hello to our customers in the back Jose? Um…Jose…Saluda a nuestros clientes en la parte de atrás.

“My name Jose Jimenez”

Thanks Jose…hey don’t press that button for God’s sake! …sorry folks… No toques ese botón!

“Se parece al botón del Cessna 170”

Te diré cuándo presionar ese botón!

“OK, OK!”

Anyway, it’s sort of a sad day for me today because I was supposed to move over to the left seat that Jose is in but anybody named John Smith just…uh…you know the score. We’re all in luck though because I did take Spanish in high school and hopefully it’s not too rusty…wonder how you say ‘coffin corner’ in Spanish? Have to look that up.

So sit back and relax as our wonderful flight attendants take good care of you along the way. We have Phương and Misrak up front today and in the back we have Ghebreyesus, Chitundu, and Gichinga. Unfortunately, none of them speak English…in fact I don’t think that any of them know how to speak to one another…so watch their hand signals, I understand they’re pretty good at it…especially that routine they do showing you how to use the oxygen masks…you know that stuff anyway I’m sure.

OK Jose! Vamos!