http://www.rumormillnews.com/cgi-bin/forum.cgi?noframes;read=4757

I DID choose to be here. I even begged for it, and I was warned that I'd regret it; but did I listen? No. I never do. I have to make my own mistakes. More often than once, on occasion. I had something to prove to myself, and I wanted to make a better world for something. I had my face rubbed in it after I unsuccessfully tried to 'escape' via getting plastered by a freight train.

Now I wonder what the Hell was wrong with me, considering I've developed a massive distaste and REVULSION for this place, but others seem to still be quite attracted to it. They are actually planning on coming back whilst they are still here. Me, no. I needed this last life to 'detox' so to speak. I'm under the impression life is an addiction.

During my NDE I was reminded to why I was here, and shown aspects of my future. In some ways I was set afire, yet I still resented being sent back here since considering the alternative, this place is a cesspool. The company on the Otherside is also a bit better. So are personal exchanges with those who take a fancy to you. Sex is worthless garbage compared to a mindshare.

As far as I'm concerned, this is a self-imposed prison. Mine is less of one than most, however; because of what I know, and the fact I have about as few obligations as one can have in Western society. Freedom is a state of mind. In fact, if circumstances are right, I can walk away from everything and everyone in an instant.

Yes, I am still here 37 years later; and pissed off about it, but I have to finish what I started or I will NOT be at peace. I wasn't happy on the Otherside, since I did in part try to do myself in for reasons that could not be. For illusions that do not exist, for they involve another, and other streams of consciousness are not legos to do with as you please.

On the other hand, parole is near. I know, and then I will be totally free of this Hell Hole. Me thinks I came to see the end, though I will be gone before absolute nadir, which ain't gonna be easy.