Today at the grocery store I experienced a true !?!FUCK!?! moment. This is very unusual for me.

I experienced what I can only describe as a shit storm, the magnitude of which was… unnerving.

I stood and pondered as I breathed the same stale recirculated air as everyone else reasoning the obvious that if one has this crazyass virus then everyone has it. Except for me. I didn't come here for that shit. I just need some paper plates.

I watched people handle cash and accept receipts from the cashiers who had handled money and items of a hundred people before them. I watched people dick the card readers with their slimy plastic like a hundred people before and then push the same slimy buttons and the touch screens as the hundred. I watched people push heavily laden shopping carts by greasy handles after a hundred people before. I pondered the wisdom of preparing to avoid infection by infecting one's self.

It was a real mind fuck.

But mostly I pondered the mysterious vanishing toilet paper. Logically, if this crazyass virus is as bad as these people feared, they would starve to death or otherwise die long before they could ever use that much toilet paper. Didn't make any sense.

I kept pondering and I discovered some crazy shit.

This crazyass virus is, in fact, deadly. It has two levels of operation. In camouflage mode it looks like a common cold or mild flu. Beneath that lies the real killer mode.

The virus begins as a crazyass meme. It is spread exclusively through shit extruded by talking assholes such as TV commentators, various experts, doctors, politicians, the inherently stupid, certain alt media sources and similar who stand to gain from this crazyass shit.

-------------

meme
in American English
noun
a unit of cultural information, as a concept, belief, or practice, that spreads from person to person in a way analogous to the transmission of genes
Webster’s New World College Dictionary, 4th Edition. Copyright © 2010 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. All rights reserved.
---------------

The meme is in the shit spewed by the talking assholes. Upon making contact with the mentally or emotionally disenfranchised the meme enters the head and causes the body to create DNA fragments (aka virus) which the meme programs to purpose. That purpose is to turn the brain into shit which it does with great subtlety and efficiency. The result is a shit for brains zombie that has no idea that it lacks those higher hallmarks of intelligence which constitute a living being. The shit just doesn't know it's dead. It can't know that.

So, first you get the meme and then you get the virus. Someone once said something like that.

The shit for brains zombie is dependent on frequent regular diet of talking asshole extrusions without which the shit for brains zombie will go batshit crazy as intelligence tries to reestablish it's self in the head. Not a pretty sight. This is the mystery of the disappearing toilet paper. In addition to wiping it's ass the shit for brains zombie must also wipe it's face several times a day. It instinctively knows to buy a lot of toilet paper. Not bad for dead shit.

The shit for brains zombie appears to be a living being at casual glance. To be certain one way or the other one must perform a test. Simply engage the suspected infected in conversation about pro life, 2A, private property rights, limited government, anti vax or any subject that rational living beings could discuss amicably and watch for a shitty attitude to manifest. In short order you will know if you are talking to a who or a what.

Evidence would suggest that at least half of the American voting population is severely infected with the crazyass virus. This would explain a lot of shit.

Well, now you know how this shit works. Good luck 'cause there ain't no place to hide.

------------------------

In the news a statement by the spokesman for the Association of Omnipotent and Angelic Beings said that all gods will shortly be withdrawing from omnipresent status and only certain angels will be available for extreme emergencies. When pestered for additional clarity the spokesman would only say that the shit has gone to hell.

Inquires to the Union of Devils and Demons as to whether they would continue propagating the crazyass meme returned that they work for the gods like everyone else and they are just doing their jobs.

Unsubstantiated rumor has it that all after life traffic will be quarantined in purgatory until this shit gets straightened out.

------------------------

Authorization is not given for the reproduction of this article on social shit media platforms -unless- you just want to stir up some shit for brains zombies for fun, in which case go for it. Just leave me out of it. I have enough shit to deal with without a herd of crazyass shit for brains zombies clawing at my inbox.