For many years I was caught up in a state of perpetual confusion because I COULD NOT fit into this world, and for being in an entirely different spin cycle than what was taking place around me. Spiritual experiences, beyond a certain level of dramatic impact, can throw one into such an orbit that nothing seems real EVER again; mind that none of it was real to begin with.
What I've been through and where I am now are not important. You can quickly forget the roads taken, once the force of the place arrived at, takes hold. I don't bring myself up except for one reason. We seldom understand why severe and brutal events are necessary in our lives. The result of them in my life was to extinguish all sense of personal self. This culminated in the kundalini awakening that I experienced, and in which all remaining sense of self was sucked out of me. It was as if no one was present. I saw it as a net positive so it did not frighten me. That alone defines me as crazy to the eyes of The World, which only exists because of Desire
This might well send any normal (although Normal is hard to find or define these days) person insane with no return ticket. Fortunately for me, I had so little sense of self, it was probably like having your appendix removed. I hardly noticed it, except for a sense of being unburdened. Our false sense of self that expresses in the resident personality, has an actual weight to it. In some cases, it might be lighter, but in many cases, it can be significant, especially in ego-driven cultures, such as those of the present, which runaway Materialism has wrought.
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