When I get thee e-mails they accuse me of being some sort of church going Christian something or rather. I always tell them I'm a cannibalistic, baby sacrificing Satanist, and to try the guys next door. I think I called myself Jezebel Baphomet, or something like that.

Great name to introduce yourself with for the schlongless folk when the JWs or Mormons or whatever try to convert you. Hey! I even have a sign up on the front window with the baby sacrificing Satanist thing, not to mention threatening those who know on the door without an appointment becoming lunch for our pet chupacabra and nasilisk. (The basilisk is Bubble, and the chupacabra is Fluffy. One day when we get another printer, I'll reprint the sign with the names.)

A couple of JWs actually did knock on the door once, and one actually asked if the sign was for real. IF I WAS A BABY SACRIFICING CANNIBALISTIC SATANIST, DO YOU THINK I'D ADVERTISE IT? SHEESH! AND DO YOU THINK OUR APARTMENT MANAGER WOULD LET US KEEP A CHUPACABRA AND A BASILISK? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH THE PERMITS WOULD COST? I DO LIVE IN CALIPORNIA, AFTER ALL!